LUKE MACGREGOR/REUTERS Toronto Star article by Greg Quill
Entertainment Reporter
Movie star, recording artist and good-living maven Gwyneth Paltrow is looking for a tutor for her two children.The pay is spectacular, reports Britain’s Telegraph newspaper — $100,000 (or 62,000 pounds) annually for four hours work a day, and the deal includes accommodation, nine weeks of vacation, plus all kinds of travel, health care and medical perks.
Sounds too good to be true? Well, if you don’t have her prerequisite set of qualifications, don’t even bother applying.
Paltrow recently posted a “private tutor wanted” ad on a specialist website seeking the services of someone who possesses an almost impossible combination of skills and qualifications — a classical education — including Greek and Latin — fluency in at least three languages (preferably including Mandarin or Japanese), musical fluency with two instruments, and “passion” for sailing and tennis, art history or martial arts.
Contenders must also be “familiar with such elements as the history of thought from a philosophical perspective” — particularly useful to disengage Apple, 8, and Moses, 6, from their X-Box games and Transformer movies.
The lineup starts here.
Ok, let's see if I qualify:
1) Classical education including Greek and Latin- I studied Latin for 2 years in Grade 9 and 10. My favourite line and probably one of the only ones that I remember is: Cornelis est puella in pictura. (Cornelia is the girl in the picture) Ah, Mr. Bales would be proud!
2) Fluency in at least 3 languages (preferably Mandarin or Japanese)- Other than English, I speak French, Spanish and Romanian, I can understand a lot of Italian, I took a semester of Russian @ the London School of Economics, but had a horrible teacher who taught as if we already spoke the language and I struggled a lot, I also took a few classes of Mandarin with my Year 7 students while I was teaching in London, ah yes, and I took German for 7 years and graduated with a credit in it.
3) Musical fluency with 2 instruments- I love to listen to music...my 2 favourite instruments are the drums and the guitar...in other words, no, I am fluent in nothing related to music!
4) Passion for sailing and tennis, art history or martial arts- Sailing...have never
been and am not super fond of boats, I have played tennis all my life, art history I stopped taking as soon as I could in Grade 11 and although I can enjoy going to art galleries, I go through them pretty quickly, and as for martial arts, I've seen all the Karate Kid movies.
5) Familiar with such elements as the history of thought from a philosophical perspective- Ummm....I'm not quite sure what to say...
Therefore, in conclusion, although I have many outstanding qualities, I understand that at this time, I am unsuited for the position, however, I do hope that they will keep my CV on file for the next 6 months in case another position should arise.
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