Motherhood

I'm not sure how to explain it, but I have been feeling so full of...love, I guess. I just can't stop staring at my little guy. I've been putting together video I've taken of him in order to have dates on everything, so I'm re-living his early days and I just can't stop the gushy feelings.

Do all mothers feel this way? I'm sure most do. How can you not?  
I am totally content to sit and stare at him for hours on end, whether he's sleeping or awake. He has so many expressions, his eyebrows seem to say a dozen different things at once, one minute his hair is sticking up and the next it's slicked back. The list just goes on and on. I could just go and on, but I won't.
I just had to get this out. The feelings are so overwhelming.

Feeling lighter

Of the mind and of the spirit.
X-man and I have been busy entertaining ourselves since his great grandma left and we're doing just fine. We have no routine whatsoever, it's fantastic! He never rises earlier than 8am so that works for moi.
However, after that one attempt with letting him cry it out, I haven't had the guts to try again. I know that you don't see adults sleeping in their parents' beds, but I get NOTHING done because it seems to be extending to also when he is awake sometimes. He'll spend max 10 minutes in his exersaucer, so far doesn't like the Jolly Jumper, his mats on the ground are a guess from day to day, more recently he starts to cry within minutes of being put down, my only saving grace that lets me run a load of laundry or get the dishes done is his high chair. This just means constantly picking up the toys he pitches on the ground, which is fine. However, I don't want him spending all his time in a sitting position in there. 
He scoffs at shushing and patting him when he is upset, he basically tells me to f-off when I try that. So, I think it's going to have be tough love with this guy, my own fault. My mum told me from the beginning to lay him in his crib to sleep, but I didn't want to be apart, and couldn't get up out of bed anyway for the first week and I loved so much being with him that I resisted. Now I and he are paying the price. I just keep thinking that we will be going away in a couple of months and he will have to sleep separate from me so I have to start at some point...

Who could resist spending every minute of the day with this squishy face?!

On a healthy note, eating is more or less going in a positive direction. As opposed to indulging in the Hershey Kisses that I have already bought for Valentine's Day (why so early you ask...I have no idea), I had some yummy cherries that my maman brought me yesterday. 

Also made a huge pot of tomato and veggies soup with lentils. Just had some now for the first time and it's not too bad.

Day after grandma's departure

Today is the first day we've been without my grandma knowing that she isn't just spending a few nights at my parents' house and the first day my husband went to work before I could get him to watch the baby while I shower. So, I did what most mum's do and brought a bouncy chair into the bathroom, strapped the baby in and hopped in the shower. He amused himself very much with the the toys on the chair and didn't say a word until I was already dressed. The rest of the morning went as per usual. However...

I have embarked on a journey I am really not enjoying. I am trying to get X-man to sleep in his crib. His reaction: What the f*%$!!

The crying has been going on for 20 minutes now, I even attempted to pick him up and soothe him and he reacted as if I was the devil, and that is what I feel like right now. I know he won't hate me or remember this when he is older, I know that he will most likely eventually learn to sleep on his own, but with a holiday on the horizon in the near future, I need him to learn to sleep apart from me because we will not have the facility to sleep together. The cat definitely isn't enjoying hearing him cry, and my heart is breaking. Why do it then? Because, other than when he falls asleep in his car sear on the road, he is always in someone's arms. Now, that my grandma is gone, I can't afford to always have him in my arms, so I have to do something about it. I figured I'd blog and read other blogs while he screams and that would keep me busy.

Another 10 minutes later:

Ok, I gave in. I couldn't take it. I've taken him out of his crib. How am I going to do this?

MAJOR FAIL